Bro, You’re Just An Asshole: A Look Into Blerds and Dating

I don’t consider myself a nerd or apart of “blerd” community, but I do have a lot of friends who are blerds, or they’re dating a blerd. Due to this, I’ve been introduced to other blerds, and we’ve found some common interest. While some are cool and I still stay in contact with to this day, most I just can't hang with because of their sexist and racist ideologies and ways of interacting with people. If I wouldn’t hang out with them on a friendship/platonic level, what made any of them think that black women would want to hang out or even date them. Then, the conversation hit on social media. 

The post that started the controversial topic. (Source: Facebook) 

The post that started the controversial topic. (Source: Facebook) 

In the midst of Childish Gambino’s release of his music video for “This is America”, black women can forward on social media discussing their confusion and concern over Childish Gambino’s message in the video. Childish Gambino’s previous stand-up routines and interviews about interracial dating and black women caused many to question the intent of his video. What added fuel to the fire was a picture circulating on social of Gambino and the mother of his children, who happens to be white. Many social media users used the photo as ammunition for their argument against Childish Gambino. The argument turned into an all-out war when one social media user called out black women for being angry over nothing, inciting that black women weren’t interested in Childish Gambino romantically anyway. 

Which led to the discussion that’s been boiling over for years; the assumption black women don’t date blerds, or “good guys”. It’s an obnoxious stereotype that’s been going on for years, and it is finally being brought to light. I’ll admit I use to believe this until I realized it was just confirmation bias and this doesn’t apply to every black woman. There’s a stereotype that black women only like thugs, rappers, athletes, and rich men, and it prevents black women from finding partners and it causes black men to exclude black women from their dating pool. Now some black women do turn down black men who are nerds and good guys, but that’s because of their own personality and thought pattern, not because they're black. As for the rest of the black women, who don’t date blerds, honestly, you have nothing to blame but yourself. 

Black women have been advocating for diversity and preaching the idea that the black community isn’t monolithic for years but no one seemed to be paying attention. Black women don’t mind dating a blerd or a good guy. The problem is that you guys are being problematic and you block your opportunities with your personality.

I have to be honest, most of you are assholes, you truly are. Most of you have horrible attitudes and do the most for no reason. No woman on any female spectrum wants to deal with that. The part that kills me is that you want to play the victim when you start feeling the heat. Then, you guys are misogynists. How does a group of people who pride themselves on being outcast, still find a way to promote systematic discrimination? You have your own sexist views on what a blerd’s girlfriend or any woman in nerd culture should look and act like, yet you probably couldn’t fulfill your own dating standards. You ostracize women due to your “boy’s club mentality”, yet complain about being ostracized by mainstream society and social outings. 

On top of it all, most of you have your anti-blackness on full display without even noticing it (or maybe you do but chose to ignore it). You constantly put white and Asian on a pedestal because you automatically assume they’re more submissive, less angry, and have more pleasing personalities. You go after white and Asian women because you assume that all black women are loud, ghetto, and uncultured. You make assumptions that all black people think alike and won’t appreciate something if it’s not on BET or your local hip-hop radio station. Most of you used your experience with bullying in school or the workplace as an excuse for your anti-blackness.

I think in some cases we need to call out those are doing wrong, we need to call out the antagonist. In this case, there’s blame to place on both sides. Yes, there are some black people in our community who have a limited view of what being “black” looks and sounds like. At the same time,  there are a lot of you in the blerd community who aren’t giving people a chance to explain their side, aren’t open to forgiveness, and to be honest, holding on to high school anger because you want to find an excuse to pin it against the black community and specifically black women. Before you criticize black women for not dating you ask yourself, does she need to change her standards, or do I need to stop being an asshole?