Somewhere between Netflix & chill and naked selfies on Instagram, men have forgotten that it is women who are the prize. They have forgotten that they are the ones who are supposed to be fighting for our love and our attention, because after all “when a man finds a woman he finds a good thing.” However, something has gotten so very twisted, that we as women are a living audition for worthiness of the man’s love and attention. We, as young women, have been forced into the thinking that we are supposed to stand on one foot, rub our stomachs, and pat our heads, all while we pull a rabbit out of a hat for the man’s amusement.
We have been fooled into thinking that the more we give, will result in the more that we will get, but that’s almost never the case. Because a real man will never let you overexert yourself while knowing that his intentions are nowhere near the same as yours. Only a boy, who is interested in using you as far, and for as long as you will let him.
The first steps in dating I’d like to believe, are knowing yourself and your worth, all while knowing your intentions. Ask yourself, what are you looking to obtain from this partnership? Is it companionship, friendship, love, understanding? Or are you looking for a text back and a free meal? All are acceptable answers, you just need to be prepared for your intended outcome. If you are looking for the latter of the two, then there isn’t any preparation that needs to be done on your end. However, if you’re looking for the others, then you must demand of these men what you require. As women in today’s generation, I think that most of us have come to terms with the fact that there are more eligible Black women, than there are Black men to go around. With that, some of us have become serial settlers. Longing for a piece of something, because after all, that’s better than all of nothing right?
But it’s not, nor is it our responsibility to shortchange ourselves while carefully babysitting the egos of men. It is not our duty to take on the role of their mother’s, while also performing wifely duties in search of exclusivity. It is not our purpose to be everything for them that they will never be for us.
So make these men court you and hold them accountable. Make them set all the plans and pick you up by eight to get you back home before it’s too late. We’ve become uncomfortable to ask of them what we deserve, so much that we’ve become the ones with everlasting discomfort within ourselves by turning into the women we said we’d never be. Never let one of these slick talkin’ brothas tell you that courting no longer exists, know your worth, and make him fight for your love and attention.