Whenever you and your partner are having issues with each other, whether they're big or small, who do you run to? If you're single, who would you run to? You would run to your parents, mentors, or your friends, right? Of course you would, but would you receive advice from someone who's single? Most people would say no. But why would you say no? Does a person's advice and input suddenly become less valuable because they don't have a partner? That's silly, and quite dumb. As we grow up, our neighborhood and the media has subconsciously told us to don't take love advice from single people. Single people in the media have been portrayed as stern, bitter, or jezebels. None of which are remotely true. Social media doesn't help much either; if I had a dollar for every time I saw a meme where the word "single" was synonymous with the words "hoe" or synonymous with being independent, strong, or lonely, I could buy a Fortune 500 company.
I think we shouldn't judge those who are single and give them a chance to share their experiences and advice with others. Being single doesn't mean that person is inadequate of loving someone or that they don't know what it takes to make a relationship work. Sometimes, taking advice from someone who's single or is leaving a relationship can be better than someone who's casually dating or someone who's in a relationship. When you're single, you have a clear conscious and an unbiased opinion. When you're single or getting out of a relationship, you can focus on yourself; you can sit down and say "this is what I want in a relationship" or "this is what I've learned from my relationships, now how I can improve?".
From paying close attention to entertainment and social media, singles are frowned upon when it comes to relationship advice because we live in a society that idolizes celebrity couples. We look at the relationships of Jay Z and Beyonce or Dwayne Wade and Gabrielle Union and see that as a standard. We also have a tendency to look at celebrity couples or even regular couples who's pictures have become popular and heavily circulated on social media, and make them our #RelationshipsGoals. We look at them and put them on a pedestal. The issue with that is we are creating unrealistic standards for ourselves and our partners. We're using people who we've never met as a template and a moral compass, yet as a society, we have such high standards we won't take the advice from our own neighbor.
Now, I bet you're wondering, "Kelsey, how do you know all this?", or "so if you know all of this, Kelsey, who are you dating? Who yo boo?".
Well, I'm glad you asked.
To be honest, I am single. Yes, single. S-I-N-G-L-E. I'm not bitter, I don't judge other people's love lives, and I don't get moody around Valentine's Day. I love being single. One day I'll settle down, date someone, and get married, but as of now, pass the tequila shots and don't worry about who I'm messing with.
I know what I'm talking about because I speak from research, conversation, and personal experience. Over the years, my standards have been all over the place, but as I got more into my twenties, I can say my dating standards have improved for the better. I'm single, but my friends (and even some of my readers now) always come to me for advice on relationships, love, and dating. I'm single, but I can say I'm much more happy than my friends who are in relationships (and I have more money to spend on myself).
As we draw closer to the holidays and enter the new year, I would advise some of you to not be so quick to write off single people when looking for advice. Being in a relationship doesn’t automatically make someone an expert because from what I’ve experienced, a lot of people end of relationships with people who are a reflection of them…and that can be sad depending on who the person is. If you’re going to take advice from a couple, make sure it’s a strong healthy couple. Until then, there’s nothing wrong with a little Carrie Bradshaw or Khadijah James giving you sound advice.