Pain, Process, Heal: A Black Woman's Reflection


At some point, we will all experience pain in some form or fashion. It’s one of the unfortunate parts of life. Pain is not only physical but mental and spiritual and everyone knows that when they experience it … it hurts like hell. As black women, we come from a long line of experiencing pain and internalizing that pain because we are supposed to be “strong” and able to handle whatever comes our way. Yeah, that’s complete bullshit. No one is that strong where they can hold everything in and be okay, you’d go crazy. 

I never really knew how pain could really hurt you, how it could change you and how to handle it. Whenever I went through something that was extremely painful or traumatic, I would smile and pretend like everything was okay. Whenever someone would ask me how I’m doing or if I was alright, my answer every time would be yes. I didn’t know how to say no, I’m not alright … I need help, I don’t know how to handle this. After a while, I just became bitter, angry and sad. But these emotions weren’t expressed on my face, only me myself and I knew that I was feeling this way. 

When something would happen that would cause me pain, I would just go through this process of “getting over it” and move on with my life because that’s all that I really knew what to do. I never knew how to properly heal and how to heal with time and love… self-love to be exact. Now everyone’s journey to healing and moving on from certain situations is different. But during that journey, there are times when we all do some self-reflecting and see where we went wrong, where we could’ve prevented this pain from every happening… or what we could’ve done differently. When I think about the pain or the hurt, I become bitter. No one deserves pain or hurt. With all of the hate and hurt that’s attacking the black community, as a black person I believe that we need all the happiness that we can get. 

It was easy for me to be angry all of the time. It was easy for me to just accept the pain that was given to me. It was easy for me to forget to heal and to love myself.
I just started learning how to forgive those who has caused my pain and bitterness in my past and how to let them go. Holding on to hurt and anger was only causing me to be upset all of the time, I didn’t even know if that person who caused the pain was even hurting like I was. 

Enter Healing. 

This process of letting go of certain pain was challenging. It took a lot of work for me not to hate. Not to be so angry and mad that I took it out on the people in my life. Healing is defined as “the process of making or becoming sound or healthy again.” For me, this was removing any and everything that caused me pain (I’m talking pictures, Facebook friends, memories, all of that). Being surrounded by this stuff was only bringing back a range of emotions that I would rather not experience anymore. This was also me learning to lean on my friends, my family…leaning on those who give me that love that I needed. I also realized that I couldn’t stop living my life. I had to start living for Simone and no one else. Once I realized that, I started to create my own joy, my own happiness, and my own peace. I was finally healing and it felt so good. My soul was happier, I felt lighter, I smiled more and the love I was giving myself was like the love I’ve never known. 

Pain, process, and healing. Three things black women know all too well. Three things that we should all experience. Experience this so we know how to grow from our pain and how to create our own happiness. When you free yourself, you begin to feel lighter… happier and more in sync with who you are. Be free. Let go of that pain. Pray and smile. Live your life for YOU. Because at the end of the day… you have to keep you in mind and put yourself up on that pedestal to spread as much black girl magic as you can.