This year has been a rollercoaster ride for me and my mate. Just like every other couple we do argue, we do have disagreements, and we do need a break from each other. People think taking a break and giving each other space to recharge and to figure some things out is basically a breakup. Yeah, trust me I felt it was a break up too. When I heard that my partner needed a break, I was confused. At the beginning of the year, we had just made our two-year mark, and we were having so much fun. We talked a lot and helped each other when we were able to. Then we had one bad argument, and then all of a sudden things went left. I felt it was a breakup, so I refused to accept this whole break mess. I was like “Wtf is a break bihh?” I thought keeping in contact, having sex, and still going out on dates will make things better for us, but really it made things worse. The more we were around each other the more things got complicated and we argued. Not only did the stress cause me to not have so much of a good summer, it took a toll on my health. I’m not going to say what things my partner did to hurt me, but it builds up a guard around my heart that took me years to tear down so I can love again.
After fights, lack of communication, and even physical fights, we are finally taking an actual break from each other. We are still communicating over the phone, but we aren’t seeing each other until a month is over. I really hate how it got to this point, he regrets the things he did and wishes he can go back and change everything, but he can’t because what is done is done. I may not forgive him quite yet, but I respect that he wants to fix and restore our friendship, so we can go back to where we use to be. Taking a break is the best we can do. We do love each other, but space is really important and needed at this time. Many are probably reading this and still wondering why is a break needed, well here is some reasons that you should consider a break:
1.) Finding YOURSELF, self-care, and work on self: One of the main reasons why my partner was having so much trouble this year, is he was trying to find himself. He is a late bloomer, as in he didn’t really get into much of a social life in high school. He was the weird black nerd, which many black students couldn’t vibe with because of course being a nerd isn’t looked at as a “Black thing” in the black community. He finally found a group of people he can hang out with that he has some common interest with. In the midst of that, he started lying to me to hang out with them; he even started to act differently just to “Fit in”. Yes, he made those mistakes while doing it and he owns up to it, but before we got into a relationship, he didn’t get that opportunity to find himself, and to practice working on self. This is his opportunity to do that.
2.) An apology and affection is not enough: Saying sorry and kissing/sex after arguments and disagreements today is honestly just putting a band-aid on a fresh wound cut. The cut is still fresh and bleeding, while the band-aid just covers it up. It’s ALL about the action. This generation feels that they shouldn’t hold themselves accountable for hurting people and that sorry is all we need to make things all good. NO! It’s so easy to say sorry. Putting in actual work is where it’s at.
3.) Let your hearts grow: Give your hearts the opportunity to really miss each other. When you are apart from each other for a long period of time, it gives both parties the chance to really think about their partner. Think about the things you miss. The scent of their hoodie, the movie nights, the random treats, the little things that matter. A break will help you appreciate the things that made you smile.
4.) A break does not mean go and see other people unless you want it to be: Set some boundaries during the break. If you feel that having other people around and you dating other people are going to confuse things, then you have every right to let your partner know that during the break you feel comfortable if they didn’t date other people. I don’t know if I’m really meant to be with my partner, but I refuse to date other people until I know for a fact we can work it out. In my honest opinion, during a break, you should be by yourself and focus on self before trying to be with another person or your original partner. If you are quick to be with another person, it might as well be a damn break up. If both parties can handle that, then more power to you.
5.) Having a new set of eyes: During our time arguing, my partner felt like what he did wasn’t wrong. He did have the gut feeling that I would be hurt, but he was caught in his selfish ways, so my feelings didn’t matter at the time. Not only did he not see things from my point of view, there were times I didn’t see things from his point of view. A break gives you time to really think about the issues that you two were having and why you didn’t agree at the time. It helps you develop a new fresh set of eyes and ears.
6.) Appreciation of Love and your partner: I was at my limit with my partner to the point I ripped a picture of us in his face, I threw the Pandora bracelet on the floor, and I told him I didn’t want him in my life at all. I gave him so many chances and I felt that he thought he had me on lock. He realized he didn’t and that it was a possibility he will never see me again. He thought he could have a piece of me in his life but the day I was fed up he realizes that I could have been gone forever. I don’t personally know if that will ever happen if he doesn’t change and want to work it out, but a break helps you appreciate your partner. I always tell people, folks who you have a rare connection with, that rare person who you can't compare anyone to, you have to hold on and work things out with that person. A break helps build character, it helps to make things right, and it helps you learn to miss people who you know damn well you will never meet anyone like them.
I love my partner and he loves me too. The bond and the love we have built with each other have helped us to be honest. I know you probably wondering “why y’all even taking break then?” Even people who love each other need a break. You can co-depend on the love you have for each other, to help fix your problems. The emotion of Love is not always the answer, but the action of it is what can really help.