As a fat, black femme, I grew up being told that love was only for thin women. Men would never lower their standards and confess their love to someone as fat as me, and even when he does, he is either in desperate need of a woman or he just want you for sex. I actually believed this bullshit family and outsiders said to me. The things people have said about me hurt me to the point their perspective of myself, and my worth, I accepted it and did whatever I could to get any guy to talk to me. Until I was tired of being humiliated and hurt by misogynist men, I sat myself down and said I was tired of the fat stereotypes people put me under, and I don’t have to accept. I DEMANDED respect, and if no man wanted to get in formation to the standards I had set for the man I want, I let them go and after that…I was ok.
As a lifelong fat woman, I’m here to tell other fat women that these myths and stereotypes that society and misogyny have defined for you AREN’T TRUE! I am in a two year relationship with an amazing man who seen my worth, who love my goofy personality, that love my independence, my ability to hold a conversation about anything and everything, my love for food, and love how he could learn from me.
Myth #1. Plus Size Women Shouldn’t Have Standards
Girl Bye! You do not have to be desperate to get a date. Men come and go. There is a belief that those who are deemed unattractive in society have no right to have standards. Honey, if you feel that a guy is just not for you, don’t give him that power to tell you that you should be lucky that he even is talking to you. Set your standards, be confident that this is the type of man you want, and if a man doesn’t fit those standards…TO THE LEFT he goes.
Myth #2 Plus Size Women Are Lonely and Sexless
There may be some fat women who are single now, but why assume that because they are single no man is in their inbox, DMs, or in the street trying to get an opportunity to get to know her in some sort of way? Again, because fat women are looked at as unattractive, nobody wants in anyway. Now, I know for a fact I am not alone and I know I have sex at least three times a week. Just like a skinny woman, I get mine boo. Just the thought of a fat woman having sex disgusts people, remember Gabourey Sidibe’s sex scene in Fox’s popular TV show Empire? How fat women had to take their stance to social media and created the hastag #MyFatSexStory?
Myth #3 Plus Size Women only date men who are settling
People don’t want to believe that people can actually fall in love with a woman who is fat, happy, and confident. It’s people who feel that my happiness and confidence is fake. When you love someone, you love ALL of him or her. The imperfections, the way they love you, and how they make you feel as a person. Ever been on social media and see a beautiful couple of a fat woman, and a skinny man, and the caption reads “And I can’t get a text?”. Or the most recent one “She must have the bombass p*ssy”. Fat women are dehumanized and looked at as only sex objects only because it’s impossible for anyone to actually fall in love with us like we are only seen for our fatness only.
I am a fat black femme, I wear a size 22, I am confident, I know my worth, I walk with my head held high, I am smart, I am funny…. I am a human being. My boyfriend loves me not because he is desperate; he loves me because I saw more of him, than what other women saw in him. We have amazing moments with each other, the intimacy we share with each other strengthens our relationship more, and if people see only our weight difference, then they weren’t raised to see love. My fat babes do not accept the stereotypes. You deserve love just like anyone else.